Thursday, June 16, 2011

Thinking Out Loud

Ever wonder what it is that keeps some 'couples' together and others not?

Is there really anything to the saying: 'love at first sight'?

What is it that makes them persevere in a relationship?

Is it something we learn from our parents.....'learned behavior'?

Or does it have to do with our wants, needs and emotional maturity level throughout life?

I have been in a long term relationship with my husband and we have often asked what it is that keeps us 'interested' in each other. I believe that we have always had what I call 'the basics' in common........respect for each other, respect for family, love of life/nature. It also helps, I feel, that we 'see' things differently at times and don't try to push that on each other.

All relationships do not have to be long-term to make them good ones. A lot of people are 'stuck' in their situation with their partner for a number of reasons.

What do you think?


  1. Well this must be the question of the week and I have to get deep with you to answer it. The soul nurtures what the soul needs if the souls are not in sync the relationship is limited as to what it can offer a spouse or partner.In layman terms if you are not mentally ready heart soul and mind your relationship is doomed.

  2. Crusty old maid that I am, I don't have any personal insights to share, but, I have noticed that couples that stay together, seem to smile and laugh a lot, and touch, don't forget the touching. Just little touches nothing obvious.

  3. Well, with divorce in my own life and family members, I've come to believe it has a lot to do with maturity and being self-aware of one's needs. I'm just sorry it took me to my forties to figure that all out! Nice post today!

  4. I think that Fred and I are both too lazy to go out searching again. That's hard work! And who has the time? I've got kids to raise. Plus, no amount of wishing and hoping will make me look 21 again. So, my options are limited.
    Okay, I guess you want me to be serious, right? We love each other. Are you happy now?
    Your Friend, m.
    p.s. We're actually trying to catch up to you two. You've raised bar high. m.

  5. I really like what you said about seeing things differently, yet not pushing that on each other. Sometimes it's hard, when you believe you are right about something to 'let it go'. But everyone is entitled to their opinion and interpretation of things. So if you truly respect your partner, then you should not expect them to change to suit you and they should not expect you to change to suit them.
    Another thing that can hurt a relationship is mistrust. If you cannot let your partner 'grow' as a person without thinking 'something is up' then it can lead to breakup. That is what happened to my 1st marriage.
    This has been a good, thought provoking post, Jim.

  6. I know I am nosey, but was it love at first sight with Ron? I am always interested to see if it really exists! I totally agree with you - a shared 'base' is the bedrock of a good relationship. And what Louise said - little touches here and there that reinforce that intimacy.

  7. I think love at first sight saves a lot of time! :-)))

    Seriously I do believe in love at first sight--When I met my husband it wasn't though, we actually didn't really like each other. But somehow that changed, he accepted my many proposals and we've been married almost 30 years!

    By the way, I have fallen in love with dogs when I first met them--Hamlet was one of them that I did, Charlie (the Wheaten) believe it or not grew on me.

  8. My parents just celebrated their 45th anniversary this past Saturday. I'm not sure how long you've been stopping by over at my place, so you may not know that my parents have a villa in Italy where my mother spends as much time as she possibly can. Usually, it's from May-October. So, they always joke that the secret to their success is living apart for half the year. There just may be something to that. :)

    I've known my ex-husband for over 25 years now. We were together about 6 years before getting married, then married about 5 before separating. After 12 years (!) of separation, we finally divorced, only to give things another shot last summer. So far, this past year has been interesting, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't trying. But, we're both VERY different people now than we were when we married 20+ years ago. We're just taking it one day at a time. So far, so good. I can honestly say that in this moment, I'm happy. :)

    Shhhh....I haven't posted about any of this, lest I jinx myself. You won't tell anyone, right? ;-)

  9. I read a good quotation once --a long marriage is the union of two excellent forgivers.

    I hope you enjoy watching "The Naked Civil Servant"! John Hurt also reprised his role as Quentin Crisp in a 2009 British film called "An Englishman in New York" about QC's life in the Big Apple in the 1970s. I've never seen it and I don't know if it's available on DVD but I'm sure it would be interesting too.

  10. I read something the other day that said that 85% of all marriages are just so-so. I guess that is ours. Not that we are not happy, we are. We are great companions, we agree on a lot of things such as travel, home, sex, activities, etc. But, we are not gushingly, madly, sloppily in love. And, I don't think we have been for years and years. If ever. And yet........after 43 years, we are very content and we have full and happy lives.

  11. Respect, yes. But also shared values. And most important to me is that David and I like each other. That sounds strange, but we were friends first, and all these years later, we still enjoy each other's company.

  12. This is a wonderful post Jim, and I could go on and on with my thoughts on this, but I truly believe it all begins with self-acceptance and self-love.
    Truly beautiful photographs.

  13. We have been married 23 years and we work together everyday. I think the secret is laughter! We try not to take anything too seriously, even when we try to fight, we end up cracking up.

    Wyatt's Mom

  14. Jim those photos are SERIOUSLY good !
    umm not sure.. similar values, attitudes goes a long way. We kind of work as a family unit of four... it will be interesting to see what happens when the kids have flown the nest as we have very different interests. I think of the future a lot. Twenty two years together so far.....

  15. Lust vs Love~~~~~~
    now tell me about that one!

  16. this is pretty much ALL i think about...maybe someday i will be able to add an answer, rather than just a perspective. as a therapist, i look for three things in couples: trust, safety, and security--the same things we look for from mommy when we are kids. if these are present, a relationship can weather the daily ups and downs, if not, then the ups and downs can be fatal to the relationship. pretty simple stuff. when other readers say "we love each other", i believe this is what they are saying in a distilled way.

  17. how to keep a relationship going

    1. take deep breaths
    2. have a sense of humour
    3. make sure u have occassional arguements
    4. have space
    5. realise that you love the sadder parts of your partner
    6. dont be queenie

  18. My parents were together for 58 years. I've been with my husband for 11 years. What kept them together and keeps us together is the fact the we want to share everything with eachother.

    A relationship is not about sex. I often ask myself, "Why be gay if it's not about sex?"
    No offense girls, but I've never connected with a girl the way I have with my man. It just works. You can't explain it.

    But really, sex has nothing to do with it. We're best friends first and foremost.


Hey, I really like your comments and appreciate the time you took to do so.

Related Posts with Thumbnails