The following quote is from: 'Heart Advice, Weekly Quotes From 'Pema Chodron'
THROWING HOT COALS WILL BURN YOU
"We act out because, ironically, we think it will bring us some relief.
We equate it with happiness. Often there is some relief, for the moment.
When you have an addiction, you fulfill that addiction,
there is an moment in which you feel some relief. Then the nightmare gets worse.
So it is with aggression. When you get to tell someone off,
you might feel pretty good for a while,
But somehow the feeling of righteous indignation and hatred grows, and it hurts you.
It's as if you pick up hot coals with your bare hands and throw them at your enemy.
If the coals happen to hit him, he will be hurt.
But in the meantime, you are guaranteed to be burned."