Wednesday, April 20, 2011

On The Rocks

I got this from a friend on the weekend. It is very telling about the direction towards which we are heading as a society.

   Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old
        The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New
        York Times.

        Dear Sir:
        I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to
        pay my plumber last month.
        By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
        presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to
        honor it.

        I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension,
        an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
        You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and
        also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience
        caused to your bank.

               My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me
        to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that, whereas I personally
        answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
        confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity
        which your bank has become.

         From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
        My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
        automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
        confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

        Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to
        open such an envelope.
        Please find attached an Application Contract which I require your chosen
        employee to complete.
        I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about
        him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

        Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
        countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
        financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
        accompanied by documented proof.

        In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee a PIN number
        which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
        I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits; but, again, I have
        modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
        account balance on your phone bank service.

        As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
        Let me level the playing field even further.
        When you call me, press buttons as follows:
        #1. To make an appointment to see me
        #2. To query a missing payment.
        #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
        #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
        #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
        #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
        #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is
        required. Such password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
        Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
        #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
        #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on
        hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
        #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

        While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will
        play for the duration of the call.
        Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
        establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

        May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
        Your Humble Client
        And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the
        first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off!

Can you just imagine if we all took this action to express our dislike of some policies to which  most of us don't even give a second thought. Things would really change in a hurry!

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