Thursday, August 5, 2010

A Thought or Two for Thursday

Yeah California! Proposition 8 was deemed unconstitutional yesterday by a Federal District Judge. Last year the right for same sex couples to marry was rescinded by the government. Now the right to marry is back. But has a few more steps to climb before it is legal for good.

Some may ask why this is so important. My simple answer is because in a democracy ALL the basic rights of individuals are the same and carry the same weight for ALL.

My husband, Ron, and I have been together for a while now. We never thought about marriage until it became available a few years ago here in Canada. When the Federal government decided that it was unconstitutional and against the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, it put it into law.

Yes, there was a lot of objection to this from different groups who had issues based on religious and moral beliefs.

During this time Ron and I started thinking about what would be the advantages of getting married. Did we want to join the rest of society in this too and get married. We had lived together for years without it. What would be the big difference anyhow?

Well, we decided to 'do it' a year and a half ago. The main reason was that we could. Also that it would be sending out a message to society in general that we have every right to do so. 

I figured that it would also 'solidify' the law somewhat....the more people that took advantage of this 'new' law, it would be more difficult to get rid of it in the it had in California. Plus, it would help future generations of gays and lesbians if the law became more stable and 'used'.

So we got 'hitched'. Wanted it to be very private and informal. The ceremony was at the Supreme Court of Nova Scotia and we were married by a Justice of the Peace. Only told two of our friends who 'stood' for us. 

We did not include family till after the event. Why not include them in the celebration? Well, even though they have been very supportive over the years, we wanted something quiet and intimate. They threw a party for us a week later after we told them.

Do we feel different now that we are married? Yes. We don't know exactly why but the whole ceremony and formal commitment thing really made an impression on us, I guess. It made us think about our relationship and thus made us closer. I guess a lot like when married couples renew their vows.

I think it's just a matter of time for the US government to realize that it will be a whole lot easier to pass a law stating that same sex marriage is a basic right and freedom, than to fight it in the courts for the next 100 years.

Or will the United States remain closed off to the world regarding this issue, like it has in the past regarding other basic rights and freedoms of certain individuals?

                            That's my 'ring' finger I'm holding up!
                            We exchanged rings later.


  1. What kills me is, 'marriage' is a legal contract to form a partnership (family). How can a country ban citizens who have legal rights then banned their right to form a union based upon gender?

    Another thing that pisses in my cornflakes on this topic is 'marriage' was originally used to 'bind' women or transfer their ownership to another man. So all those who advocate against this recognition of 'gay marriage' (to me its just marriage) should be angered that women were pieces of property to secure to a man's purse?

    All I can say is you two make a beautiful couple.

    Good Morning,

  2. I'm sure by now, you know my views on this! Marriage is important for both of you! It gives each of you the right to take care of one another, and be responsible for one another. It will be in your best interest, as far as insurance, owning properties etc. You would rather have your spouse decide your fate in extraordinary circumstances, rather than someone else. Well, look at me, preaching to the choir!

    You guys are one hell of a good looking couple!

  3. Mal's comment above is part of why the California judge struck down Prop 8 -- because of the "ownership" thing and that we've supposedly moved beyond it. How the bigots can say that gays getting married is going to destroy hetero marriage is completely beyond me (and I'm GLAD I'm clueless there!). Getting married is a commitment between two people who love each other--plus you also get good tax benefits! I'm a proud straight woman happily married to a wonderful straight man and we BOTH support any person's right to get married. When the state I live in--Mississippi--asked the voters here to eliminate any chance of gay marriage (like THAT was ever going to happen!) I proudly voted AGAINST it and I think it was the best vote of my life. Belated congratulations to you both!!!!!!

  4. Great photos! Good news from California too but you're right -- there will be more steps as the matter gets appealed up to the Supreme Court. Doesn't the Mormon church have anything better to spend its money on?

  5. it does sound like the "neverending story" in california... perhaps the USA will join CANADA, SPAIN, and many other countries, but i'm hardly surprised by what i see, where the law is passed, then revoked, und so forth...

    maybe one day, just maybe...

  6. All I can say is that I was seeing it your way until I came to your characterization of my country. I have to part ways with you there.

  7. After being together for 6 years, we married in 2005 in Toronto not long after it was legalized in Canada. Our union is not recognized in Michigan. However, it has solidified our union in our own minds. Before that, there was nothing that made us want to work out any differences. It's easy to get rid of a boyfriend. A husband is a commitment.
    A big benefit is the inevitable. When one of us dies, the other isn't left with nothing. Our lives are now so intertwined that it would be difficult for us to seperate in any way.

  8. Well, congratulations, a year and a half late. You make a lovely couple.

    I suspect that same sex couples have a long hard path ahead of them, here in the United States. We are, I think, a very Puritanical society. We're slow to change and even slower to accept differences. I think that, even if the legal matters were quickly settled, it would take a long time before same sex couples would really be accepted. And, I certainly don't think that the legal matters will be quickly settled.

  9. Yes, you two make a great couple and wonderful daddys to Sophie. What's going on with equal rights for all in the US is scary to me. The right for gays to marry will come eventually, of course, so it's difficult to understand why not now. It's 2010, after all.--Inger

  10. Thanks all for comments.
    No personal offence intended towards anybody. In the last paragraph I am referring to how long it took for women to vote, and how long it took for Afro-Americans to obtain basic rights and freedoms......not only in the US but in many other countries including Canada. It's just puzzling to me why the US will cater to the rights of a 'fringe' of the 'radical right' and seemingly ignore the rights of many. I am speaking a as member of a minority group who is very impatient with the workings of government.

  11. Congratulations to you and Ron. Marriage is a beautiful thing.

  12. Everyone should have the right to marry!

    I'm glad you found me. I'm now following your blog!

    I'm soooo jealous of your Jadeite! It's so beautiful!

  13. First, congratulations to you both. And what a couple you two make! The smiles on your faces says it all!
    My Aunt was a lesbian. She was with her partner for about 45 years. She always said she would marry her partner for two reasons. One because she wanted to make sure that the other one was taken care of after one passed on. The second, well, just to be able to do it and be a thorn in the 'self righteous' people's side. Sadly My Aunt passed away before marriage became legal, then not, then legal. You get the picture.
    Personally, it shouldn't matter to anyone who marries who. So long as they are of legal consent and they love one another.
    There are so many folks around here that look down on same sex couples.Old school. Love is love...period!
    Hugs to you both. Sophie too.

  14. Happy Late Anniversary! Sure do hope the law is changed in the States so same sex couples can marry and they can serve in the military openly. Very happy for you!

  15. Hello! How wonderful, you make a lovely couple, loved looking at the photos! In this country we have same sex marriage, and I think it is a darn good thing. I enjoy living in a tolerant and open-minded society. Also, you can enjoy the same rights, which has to be a good thing.
    Thank you so much for your lovely and kind comment on my blog, it has made me feel a tiny little bit more at ease. Which is the way I need to go! You are so kind. Hugs. Susie xxxxx

  16. jim
    a great post indeed....
    Chris and WILL tie the knot at some stage but to me it is important to have a kind of big boozy party to celebrate it with family and friends....
    I still think society generaly will not see civil partnerships as binding or as important as marriage, but that WILL come one day I am sure....
    lovely photos Jim , you both look very happy and very dapper!!!!!

  17. I'm not a political person, and admittedly don't keep up with various laws or statutes in my own state let alone others, but I will say that as a Christian, it is not my right to condemn, condone, or judge people, as is the habit of the self-righteous. Hate is not a word in my vocabulary, nor was it in the teachings of Jesus Christ. I believe in fairness for every person on this earth, every human being is a person with feelings, hearts, hopes and dreams. I wish you the best, friend.


  18. I believe in marriage - you look so happy. Thank you for posting about this.

  19. This sounds a lot like our wedding. We snuck away to West Hollywood city hall, without telling anyone, just because we wanted to support the cause (while we still could)!

    We had already had our commitment ceremony a few years before, so we already felt married.

  20. Love the pics. We did it in 2005 shortly after the law changed. We were planning to do it anyway (civil union) but when we showed up for our appointment at the courthouse to select a date, we were given the option to marry since the law had just changed. We were #9 in Montreal.

  21. And here I thought you got married because you were in "the family way".
    I could see your Dad, with rifle in hand, dragging you into Court.
    Love these photos! Even if you are giving me the finger.

  22. Well now, don't you both look so handsome. Great post, Jim, and I love these photos!! I am so proud of the country we live in. For a small and quiet country, we are progressive in so many ways. Change takes time, as you know, as unfortunate as it may be. Sometimes entire generations have to die off before we move forward. I was just having this discussion with my husband a few days ago...about how much things have changed just within the past 100 years. In fact, there have been huge changes just from my parent's generation to my children's. And my children are even more progressive than I am, which I am so proud about, and they will further improve our society. All that to say that we are moving forward, albeit slowly. I can go on and on about this, but I won't bore you! LOL....

    I'll just say that I am so happy for both of you, and I wish you many more wonderful, happy, healthy years together!


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