Upon Reflection

A couple of days ago when Ron was cleaning/sorting our 'junk drawer'

in one of our dressers, he came across a letter addressed to me

in a journal book I kept a few years back.

I had forgotten all about this letter. My brother, Bernard, had written it

two months before he took his own life in Toronto in 1971.

I had not remembered what he had said to me in his letter...

until I re-read it.

It was typical Bernard at the time.....funny, somewhat carefree,

typical 19 year old of that time

and yet someone, as I read 'between the lines', who was screaming for help. 

It was very upsetting to read as I recalled getting this letter at home from him.

He was a lonely boy I realized, one that had always been searching for 'the answer'.

He got involved in all the available drugs at the time. He became dependent

on the 'high' for a couple of years before his death.

He was not happy living in the real world.

He was a restless individual from as far as I can remember.

It is still very upsetting to me when I think of the potential he had

but was unable to achieve in his short life.

Things......drugs, along with an unidentified mental illness.....

got in his way.

I know that he would have loved this view at the Gaspereaux Canal the other day.

I would have loved to have been sitting along its edge with him.